You may or may not have noticed that I wear glasses. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t wear contacts because they don’t get on with my eyes. I tried every kind of lens available, but my eyes just weren’t happy and I resigned myself to wearing glasses 24/7. For a long time, I hated wearing them- I just didn’t feel like me. This wasn’t helped by the fact that I didn’t make the best choices when it came to frames.
Top left: 2012. These were actually ok, until the arm fell of and my Dad “fixed” it with superglue and duct tape.
Top right: 2013. I hate these glasses. They cut right across my eyes and the wide arm obscured my eyes from the side.
Bottom: 2012. The worst pair I ever owned. These were from Brazil. I went to Rio to stay with my best friend and her family for 3 weeks. On the first day of the trip, the duct-taped arm fell off and I had to get some emergency frames. Unfortunately, the only frames that my lenses would fit into were thick and white with bright orange sides. Thankfully, I could see but the entire trip was slightly tainted by the fact that I looked like a racing driver. They also reflected horribly in camera flashes. There are several pictures which are entirely dark, with the exception of my white glasses glowing eerily midair.
I only accepted wearing glasses when I went for something different. I had always gone for rectangular ones which didn’t suit me or my style. A couple of years ago, with the help of an adviser in Boots Opticians, I chose some slightly retro frames from Jigsaw which were a lot bigger but with finer frames. I cannot tell you what a difference it made, I finally felt like my glasses were part of me and my look as I no longer felt hidden behind them.
A couple of weeks ago, I got this lovely pair by Prada. I went to three opticians and tried on hundreds of glasses before making a decision. I still enjoy wearing glasses, and although it would be nice to wear lenses for special occasions, I feel just as confident with glasses as I did without.
TIPS FOR CHOOSING GLASSES
- Get some honest advice. It’s hard to tell what looks good and what doesn’t when trying on new glasses because every pair looks strange as you’re not used to them, so take a friend or relative who will tell you straight if you look daft.
- Think about what they look like from the side as well as the front. Is the arm too wide and covering your eyes? Does the design/logo look tacky? This is just as important as the front view.
- Remember, you should wear your glasses, they should not wear you! For instance, thick frames are very fashionable at the moment, but they’re not for everyone. When I wear them I look like Eric Morecambe.
- Colour is another consideration. Black is classic but can look harsh, whereas brown is a softer option. Think about your skin tone, eye colour and what colours do/don’t suit you. Obviously brighter colours and patterns will make a bolder statement, but make sure you would be happy wearing them everyday.
- Likewise, be sensible. Pink leopard print winged glasses with diamonds might be “great fun” but will they be appropriate for work? Consider buying 2 pairs in Specssavers 2-for-1 offer if you must have them.
- Don’t dismiss extras such as thinner lenses and anti-glare. I have one lens which has to be a lot thicker than the other and this would be really obvious, especially with my current frames, if I didn’t have thinner lenses. Paying a bit extra for thinner lenses means that I don’t look like a goon with one thick lens and one massive bug-eye. Another benefit of Boots Opticians is that anti-glare is included in all standard lenses. This stops light reflecting off them in pictures and real life. In so many of my old pics, I look like the guy who eats people in Sin City.
- Glasses are important, you will be wearing them on your face every day so take your time choosing and avoid going for really cheap frames- consider them an investment.
TIPS FOR WEARING GLASSES: DOS AND DON’TS
- DON’T let every Tom, Dick and Twathead try them on. Not unless you want them to stretch them with their big head. “Eurrr ayyy can I try yer glasses on?” “Well I just don’t know, John, can I have a crack with your hearing aid? No? Fuck off then.”
- DO carry a cloth or wipes because they always get dirty and you end up smearing grease around the whole lens.
- DON’T forget where you left them. I have spent far too much time blearily groping about for my glasses because I forgot where I left them. Or crying because I got drunk and forgot that I’d put them in my clutch bag. Or retching because the two kittens a house I was staying at shit under the bed and my glasses fell in it.
- DO get used to people asking daft questions, e.g. “why do you wear glasses?” (cos I can’t fucking see…), “why don’t you wear lenses?” and “are they real?” (no, I drew them on).
- DON’T listen to anyone who takes the piss out of them- more fool them. The best insult I ever received was “specky motherfucker”, courtesy of a random loony.
- DO get prescription sunglasses if you can, and DON’T wear regular sunglasses over your glasses- it looks daft, just squint.
COMING SOON… MAKEUP TIPS FOR GLASSES WEARERS